RT: as someone named Abdul i’ll never understand what it’s like to be generalized by the actions of a few. must be rough, thank you…
RT: Yeah that should fix the problem. https://t.co/caQuXBQSpi
it's just a fat sea bug that you boiled alive okay. relax.
"first of all, you just slid across the water sideways.... like..... that's not even the way it's supposed to go" -jahfari on surfing
"do you wanna know? do you wanna know what those two girls do with that one cup?"
"*exasperated* fuck america--it doesn't work"
I'm at a place in my life where i say things like "i need to go get my Sriracha chicken from the closet" so that's good probably
thought I was out of clean underwear but then i found one last pair and it's not a hideous one so yeah you could sa… https://t.co/tPhHE8j6It
RT: imagine falling in love with somebody only to find out that your capacity to love grows with every new thing you notice about…
RT: Lizzie and isabella roasting paolo and then dueting "what dreams are made of" was the first act of solidarity among femin…
RT: Mobster: Ok, now dump their bodies in the river. Me: I really wish I'd chosen Truth.
"the gifts of sobriety, now i can't look at people"
"same song but hopefully a different dance this time"
RT: me: i'd like to make a reservation for 2 at 6:00 pm employee: sir, this is a McDonald's me: oh my bad. i'd like a McR…
gf just told me I have a heavy spine should i break up w her
RT: MY DOG WENT TO TARGET AND LOOK HOW HAPPY SHE IS https://t.co/Cdt2s2aI3p
i have cried during every episode of This Is Us pls help
"the liquor store doesn't have cookies"